Haiku: Going Through It

I feel dispair on this night

Crying in the dark

I know daybreak is coming

Poem: Still here

I'm still here.

I'm not moving or scurrying away once I see a storm about to come.

I will plant myself and make my own shelter,

Becuase I plan to stay.

I'm rooting myself deep into this soil.

Nothing will scare me away

And nothing has, because I'm still here.

Every day and every waking hour, my soul travels an inch closer to the clouds

I can feel the rain beating against my mind and my will

but I'll continue pushing until---

I say, "enough".

But I'm not satisfied yet.

They say that I'm not going to beat it; beat the enemy within me

But I will tell them with my ventures that I CAN.

/And one day when I stand before God

I'll say, "Of all the things that I did wrong, at least I never gave up trying".

Imperfect Man, Imperfect Daughter

Father, daddy, man that loved me

I realize now how you've always loved me unconditionally

Despite the temper flares and the elevated arguments

I know now that those became my road maps toward success

There was a time when I was nine

When I said that I hated you, because you grounded me on a Friday night

And until that following week, I couldn't leave my room (or watch my favorite shows)

I thought my life was over

But then I remember drinking cold punch from a can in your truck as we rode together on freeways

With the radio turned up loud, screaming Led Zeppelin and Aerosmith

I may not have shown it then, but that was fun.

You were always there, though I know there were days you felt like leaving

Being a family man had its responsibilities

But I dread the thought of your sacrificed happiness to give your children a good start in life

Your soul has become wounded multiple times

Life has become cruel

And sometimes, I catch myself wishing that you lived in a mansion

With a nice car and a big patio

With a green, freshly cut lawn and a plum tree in the backyard (because you like plums).

And all will come and see the rewards that you've reaped (and maybe even envy you)

But those things aren't there...even though I KNOW you deserve it.

Father, daddy, man that loved me...

There aren't enough words to say how imperfect we both are

But through it all, you did a damn good job.

I just wanted to say

Thank you.

Poem: Take Them Back

Take back you notes
Your letters
Your gifts
Your words wrapped up in airy promises
I don't want to look at them
Those "I love yous" don't taste that sweet anymore
And they just sink like a fog unto the ground and glitter like morning dew.
I don't need to be with you; not when we're like this...
So take back your box of pictures and that first kiss.
Put them on the carpet beside the door
Remeber to leave the keys where you left them-- next to my heart
Make your way towards the exit as I make my way out your life.

Poem: Today, I'm a Woman

Today, I'm a Woman

I have my mind and my confidance

I walk with a poise so lovely, even the flowers and the trees envy my stance.

My capacity to love is wide like hips

My lips are thick like the depth of creativity that drips from them

I can move my thoughts and control my destiny.

I am powerful. 

I am a part of my Creator because my Creator lives in me.

Though I am just a particle within the universe, I am significant because I exist.

Nothing can stop me, not even death.

Because my soul can live throughout eternity.

I can change the world for the better and endure pain, though it may hurt.

My body is star kissed; radiating from its atoms; saying that I am good.

I wake up happy. knowing that I am not just anything.

I am not something to abuse, but something to cherish.

Today, I am a woman and tomorrow another woman who knows her worth.

Poem: Blossom

Blossom

Once a child

Now a warrior

One a student

Now the teacher

Once in battle

Now the peacemaker

Once a shadow

Now the light

Once a thorn

Now a rose

Once a foe

Now a friend

Once in hiding

Now I embrace

© Jacqueline Lamar

Poem: I, An Actress

I, an actress

Life is like a stage

A drama with painted faces

Each one a special character

Full of smiles and tear drop traces

Each chapter within my life

I play a particular role

As victim or as victor

Each line a story told.

Through my days, I am an actress

I entertain them all

With sorrowful filled dramas

My life till curtain fall

Through these years, I play

A person, demon, or clown

To entangle the scenes of life

Till death and curtain down.

© Jacqueline Lamar