Thick Skin

I hate that I have to have thick skin.
When somebody calls me a black bitch,
I'm supposed to take it in,
Then spit it out like a lose tooth from a punch.

I hate that I have to ignore the hate
Because people think that I'm half human/half ape
Because my hair is kinky and my skin is brown
I hate that I have to smile to hide my frown

So no-one can see the tear marks hidden away in my eyes
When society says that your life don't matter
And being alive is a crime
I hate that I have to even say that
But it's a hate that I have to live with
A hate that feels colder than fact.

I hate that I have to one day, tell my son or my daughter
That yes, you're black and the world thinks you're cursed.
When they have to ask, "Then mommy, wouldn't us being here make the world worse?"
I hate that they will have to one day, struggle to find their self esteem.
Like I had to...

I hate that I'm not seen as a woman

That was designed to love and give birth to different forms of art
But my blood is used as warrior paint instead of a symbol of loss
My body was used as a pin cushion and a cadaver for abuse
Thick skin is how my ancestors survived past society's noose

I am tired of being emotionally strong
I want to feel vulnerable and not be labeled weak.
I want to be able to cry and see more days that are less bleak
I want to feel like I'm a FUCKING PERSON
And not a virus because of my skin color
I want to be judged as an individual
And not by anything other

But I know it's not going to happen
Because systematically we're in too deep.
But I hate that it's this way
Some nights I can't even sleep.

Thinking about the next generation
Is the best thing that I can do.
I have to put on that thick skin.
So that they can see how to overcome this too.

I Am Not Your Hoe

I am not your hoe.
Your bitch.
Your itch that you need to scratch.
Your entitlement because you think I'm weaker than you,
Or can't fight back.
Watch who you attack.
Because I could be the daughter that comes from your loins.
In which I'm sure you wouldn't want her worth being reduced to two red coins-
Or two pennies-
Or two cents-
Act like you have some sense.
Because I act like a lady, I don't act like a bitch.
Or a female dog in heat.
Do you see four legs on me?
Am I an animal or a human being?
Which you choose to unleash that verbal mess on me?

I am not your sex toy.
Or a walking, breathing flesh light with boobs.
Yes, I am beautiful.
But calling me a "bad bitch"?
Then my respect you all loose.
What in the hell is wrong with y'all today?
Who told you to approach me that way?
And if I don't entertain your play,
Now-I'm a hoe?
A thot?
A beastie?
A piece of trash?
No ass having, fuck you black bitch?

Hold-up...

Learn how to say hello.
Maybe introduce yourself formally.
Can I have a name, at least?
Or are you gonna continue acting like a dog who needs a leash?
If you want to ask me out on a date,
Engage me in an interesting convo.
I'm not a bait; or some food; or a "Hey you! Hey you, girl!"
I'm a grown ass woman.
Who expects to be approached as such.
Not some cheap, desperado that you can snatch real quick
Because you want your penis sucked or you need a fast nut.

Disclaimer: Not that I don't like to treat my man to such pleasures
But before I give you that crown
You got to get to know me to discover this treasure.
But if a hoe, thot, beastie, or bitch is what you're looking for,
You're referring to the wrong chick.
I'm not those women that you're used to.
I don't screw every dick.
So miss me with that disrespectful bull.
I'm a woman not a piece of meat.
That shit is not cool.
Manners is what you learned in primary school.
So act like you know; stop acting like a fool.