God Watches But Doesn't Move

When it comes to hardships and heartache

God watches but He does not move.

He allows his children to depend less on him

And more on the power that He already instilled into them.

Like a loving parent, His heart breaks when we fall

But like a strong parent, He waits until we get up.

He does not enable

He does not give excuses as of why we're incapable

He knows we're mighty enough

To slay our own demons

And sometimes we will have to cry ourselves to sleep

In order to realize that no one is coming to save us 

Which is why God waits for us to realize

That He already gave us the tools to save ourselves.

God watches but He does not move

How else is a Master teacher going to push His students to be excellent?

To be the creators of their own reality

And to be the makers of their very own heaven or hell?

It is our choice.

After all,

Free will. 

Beauty (Part 2)

I am not afraid of aging

Aging is a badge of honor

It is the Universe telling me

That there are still more lessons

For me to learn

That I am still a student

Waiting to pass my final exam.

Beauty is my journey

It is not what someone sees on

My physical body.

Though it may be subjective to another's perception 

I am a soul.

The soul doesn't age.

It advances.

And I am never afraid of getting better. 

And becoming the master of my own life. 

Beauty (Part 1)

Beauty doesn't fade

It changes 

Like energy, it can't be destroyed

Only transformed into another state of being

So why is beauty so subjective?

Why do we pick apart our features 

As if we were picking apples from a tree?

What is it about the leaves

The branches

The trunk and soil that make us appreciate those less?

Why do we not see ourselves holistically?

In need of having those other parts of us

Cultivated and praised

Instead we praise what can be consumed

Not the eternal core that is the creator of what you see.

But you only see one version of  me

And you label it "beauty"

What about my voice

My heart

And my mind

Or are those are not superficial enough

To rouse your body?

But if you were to change your perception of what is truly magnetic

Your soul might expand

Beauty, after all that crumbles,

Is multifaceted 

And deeper than any superficial surface

Black Girl, Smile

Black girl, smile.

Let all the weight from your shoulders 

Fall like autumn leaves 

Rest

Be juvial 

Release your sadness

And scuplt it into joy

Paint happiness on you like fresh new skin.

Wear it confidently 

Let your smile be the light at the end of your tunnel 

Breathe

Allow the air in your lungs to sweep away the old fingerprints of pain

Be alive and dance

Show off your exuberant colors

Let those deep, melanated dimples show 

And your lips, nose, eyes, and teeth be mosaic art.

Your smile is your crown

Let it shine in the sun

May it never be submerged by society's noose

Or by wicked hands that prey on you

Bloom and rise like the carefree strands of  curls on your head

Walk into life's oasis

As one of its finest and most rare creations.

Fear

I love you, fear.

You've kept me safe in a world where chaos rules.

But I need to break up with you.

Because "safety" has suddenly become "too comfortable".

A seed can not stay underground 

It must gather the courage to grow anchoring roots and sturdy branches.

But understand this-

You know I love you, fear.

But I love me more.

And too much of you will poison my adventurous spirit 

I have to let go.

I have to fly.

Parental

It began to rain

The moment I told myself

How much of a terrible parent I'd be

Because for years I struggled 

To parent myself.

I feel completely undeserving

To bask in the sunrays of a baby's smile 

Because who am I to trust myself? 

What if I self destruct?

Or sink my way into

The dark, crevices of post partum depression?

What if I become the thing I fear?

Anger.

Because growing up I felt its whiplash 

And like the smell of cigarettes 

It awakens an urge to return to what's familiar? 

What if I'm not done healing?

And the scars on my arms, now invisible, begin to show up on my child's heart?

What if I were to cause that harm?

Unintentionally dulling the lights in their eyes?

Turning them void

Because of me being too weak to block

The cascading stones from the world;

My shield breaking under the duress.

What if I loose my mind and break myself? 

Who would they call mom and protector?

I wish I could say that none of this will happen

But I love too much 

To risk giving them too little.

So I don't pursue that path for now.

In the hopes that someday,

I can pour into them

So that their joy comes from me

And not something that has to be acquired 

By them later 

Because I hurt them.