I crave
Sweet touches under a duvet
As you kiss my spine
Making me want to
Frolic into every excited nerve ending.
I want your hands
To cup the flesh of my breasts
And to hug the juicy meat on my bones
Until there's nothing left.
I crave
Sweet touches under a duvet
Slow and warm
Like sucking on chocolate
Like a dewy morning turning mid summer day.
I want to play
Under your moonlit sparkling eyes.
I want to feel
Your lips all over my body.
Car rides lately
Have been my new muse.
It's been trips to nowhere
That either helped or exacerbated my blues.
It's where I can cry my tears.
And talk to God about all my fears
"Should I leave him?"
"Do I really need this job?"
"What's my REAL purpose in life?"
My car takes me places on trips to nowhere.
Like, deep inner reflections
Like me questioning my obsession in becoming society's version of perfection.
I mentally purge myself.
Then I just get quiet.
Not hearing anything but smooth road and the humming of my engine.
Just listening and trying to receive messages from my own intuition.
Sometimes it comes.
My car is the quickest way to get to nowhere
So that I can think
So I can scream
So I can cry without judgement
And get lost on purpose
Within the comfort of leather seats and distance.
I drive away.
From everything.
Once upon a time, we knew
That the flame inside of us
Could never be doused.
But foolish us
We were tricked to believe
That our light was dangerous.
A force of destruction.
A raging fire that must be quenched.
So we tried to bury it.
Blow on it.
Make it smaller.
Turning it into flickers
As it struggles to breathe.
We live as if we were ashes.
Once alive and feral.
Now numb to the dying embers.
Did we forget?
Patience is a virtue
I hope God can give me the patience to be still
And to not move against His will
I want to fulfill my lifeplan that I'm supposed to undertake
But it gets hard
I want everything now
But rather than to do everything my own way
I will practice patience today
Forever
I know that the desires of my heart are heard.
Though you've scarred me in many ways
There is one thing that I will take away
That would be the message of vulnerability
I've allowed your anger to seep inside of me.
I'm learning to let you go and give you rest
Because there will come a day where I've tried my best
And a child of mine will come back to me
And say that I've wounded them undeniably
Looking at this scar now that's on my skin
I still hurt inside knowing what happened then
But we can't go back to undue the pain
The best I can do is grow my flowers from the rain
The best I can do is remember the happy times
When I felt like your little girl and life was full of rhyme
Now life is sprinkled with confused melodies
But I am the conductor and life's music is up to me.
I forgive you for bestowing the pain from that belt.
I forgive myself for holding on to the emotional baggage I've felt.
I forgive you for not being the father you should've been.
I forgive myself for not looking for that love within.
I am no longer going to chain my feet to the past.
I am choosing to let go of sadness and to let happiness last.
I am not a victim to your actions this present day
From this day on forward, I am a stronger woman today.
I'm learning
That healing isn't about not feeling pain
It's feeling pain but choosing to not let it
Control your life
