Ground Zero

I can witness the blood dripping from your heart-ache
The battle scars in the form of piercings and tattoos vomited across the stomach and lower back
Your hair, dark and long like a waterfall; surrendering to pliable curls that lay aside your cheeks
Cupping your beautiful face and full red lips and tear glazed eyes, soaking the black mascara on your eye lashes.

I can see the way you walk and move your hips from side to side
Like a swing set on an empty, childless playground, trying to grow out of the rest of your innocence.
You briefly stare at the men who pass you, hoping that they will notice that you're not invisible
You wear your breasts out as to block anyone from seeing the ugliness that you feel on the inside
You rape yourself in the mirror, violating your body down to the inner core with the verbal sharp daggers that carry the repetitive words of "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Why can't I be more..."

Your relationships are like pharmacies; there to give you medication to numb the pain
Every bit of sex and orgasm is mistaken for a piece of love that is here, then gone in seconds.
Like the wind, you blow into one reality to another that's make believe
Dreaming of the day when your shadow turns into flesh and blood and brilliance and purpose and light--only for you to wake up to late periods and pregnancy scares.

I've been there...

I have x-ray vision that can see past your physical attractiveness and appeal
Your desperate attempt to fall in love with the wrong man so that he can validate the unworthiness that you feel deep within the core of your being.
All of the make-up that you wear is nothing but a concealer of all the scars that you try to cry away every morning when you rise; trying to cloak yourself not knowing how much the sun loves to make you glitter
The clicking of your heels are really shards of glass falling and breaking off of your fragile frame of mind
And the tightness of your skirt only a band-aid to keep the hurt from seeping out like a lose window pane, trying to hold back the rain.
I can see it. Because I was once that girl who was looking for herself in the images of magazines.
Cutting out pieces of air brushed and warped paper faces, thighs and stomachs
Then closing my eyes to make a wish that I could become...Beautiful. Skinny. Sexy. Attractive. Fuckable.

I know what emptiness feels like...It feels like skipping meals.
The hunger, gnawing at your chest; not realizing that those are the silent screams for love and affirmation from teenage boys and grown men that are old enough to be your daddy.
Emptiness feels like finger prints on the mirror; trying to draw yourself a perfect mouth or nose
No sight of a kiss mark...
Emptiness feels like a broken angel's wing that has lost hope of ever reaching the heavens again
And you try to sew it up with fake finger nails and torn hymens
Projectile vomiting the inner sunshine that has been gifted upon you in exchange for looking like the next video girl...all in the name of being worshiped.

I know. And I can see the cyclone of storms dancing within the iris of your eyes
And how the acid of pain has destroyed and decomposed you to ground zero.
There's nothing left but fantasies on what true love feels like...and not enough of what it really is.
You remain high off of every man's desire to squeeze your hips against his pelvis
You flirt, and you smile, and you flirt, and you smile, and you turn away...hoping that someone will  follow you in hot pursuit. And when they do...you want to be reminded of how rare and precious you are even though you feel like the equivalent of spat on trash.

I know. And as I walk past you, smelling your sweet perfume diffusing off into the air,
I'll tell you that you're beautiful even though my words would probably echo inside you as if I was standing in front of a dark cave;
Not absorbing the vibration of the sounds translated into meaning. But when it finally does, let it be the first brick you build for a new castle. Something lovely and entirely you. Your own piece of heaven built upon the foundation of new found royalty...and she sits on the throne made up of crystalline glass; diamonds from the riches that she thought she never had...until the day she claimed herself to be...a queen.