Should I Run?

My eyes have been opened
To the fact that I'm not whole
My mind has been broken
To the reality of its holes

Mental illness may be my curse
But I don't know how to stand
Desperately trying to deny
It's increasing apparent hand

My father was its victim
How it destroyed his fragile life
Undiagnosed for years
Currently the catalyst to his strife

Is this something hereditary?
Will I be another slaughter?
Am I a ticking time bomb?
Am I my father's daughter?

Sleepless nights; depression
And thoughts of suicide
Wanting to harm myself on bad days
And not wanting to go outside

Feeling anxious every day
Needing distractions to somewhat cope
Sleeping has become my medicine
Each day, I'm losing hope

But I'm trying to stay positive
And do what I need to do
Taking therapy so that I can live
A life that is worth it too

But I often have to wonder
Is this something that is real?
Am I obsessed with this illness
Or are these thoughts that I can feel?

Should I run from this thought
That I took my father's demons
That I am destined to be lost
Under the weight of temporary feelings?

Or should I be still with an acknowledgment
That this is my plot
Should I manage these cards
That have been given as my lot?