Heroin (Explicit)

You are my heroin
You make me want to get high off of your intoxicating caress
Those satin words that you concoct
Can entice me into satin sheets
You make me desperate for every drop of you to flow into my veins
Like rain onto a river that knows no thirst
When I close my eyes and think of you
I see stars that escaped from the heavens
Just to see us merge together in oneness
My high is so deep when I'm connected to you --my needle of love
I forget what low feels like
I keep craving you
Always coming back into the back alleys of your heart
Wanting one more hit
You got me hooked on this shit
Totally helpless and hung over laying on your chest
Feeling you breathe me in
Causing me to succumb to your gravity
Like a planet falling out of its orbit
I keep surrendering to you
I keep saying that this is the last time
This is the final stage play
Then I will participate in this dance, no more
But then I think of all the different ways you puncture me
And I'm crawling back to receive more of your ecstasy
For I am the receiver of your beautiful poison
Forever sinking into you
Forever an addict

Moon

Sweet, soft light

among a bed of defiant stars

Encompassed by a dark canvas.

One day you will be mine

I will have you in the soft palm of my hand

And watch you glow for me, forever. 

Your beauty

Never ceases to entrance my eyes

As the night sky holds you up on an invisible thrown

You look down upon me

And my heart melts into a pool of worship

Even if I were to fall down to my knees

I can never sing enough of your praises. 

Standing Tall (Haiku)

She's in there somewhere
Come beautiful, strong woman
Be well and alive

Chocolate

You give me a fix that I can't get clean from
Dark and creamy
Salty and sweet
Crunchy yet smooth
Every morsel makes love to my senses
Tasting it only makes me want it even more
I long to give myself to it
To fall under its spell forever
The decadent flavor that tastes too good to be from a tree.
It must be from another dimension
Tastes like I'm nibbling on dark matter
Satisfaction that only quantum physics can define
Any day; any time.
It can come get this.

Sacred

One day
I will birth you from my heart
You will look to me and I will give you nourishment
Your hand will grasp mine
And I will gladly sing you lullabies
As your tiny head rests upon my chest
Eyes closing behind a veil of innocence
Forever protected and scared no more.

I will lift you up to the heavens
In harmonious praise for your life
You will mount my shoulders, head to the sky
Looking forward and never back
I will be your song when your voice is lack
Even when there are times when you will make mistakes and learn
I will never quench your fire that churns

You will be sacred
A phoenix by day and beautiful stone by night
That shines bright between both worlds as if diamonds cried tears
This world you will ignite and make right
Your ancestors shall sing your name
Your ancestors shall sing of your spirit.

Happy

For the first time in my life
I am not worried about being in someone's arms
Or allowing just anybody inside my own head
I am happy
I am content and honored by my own presence
This was not supposed to happen
But I am happy being me
Alone but not lonely
Encompassed in the still of my own peace
This is beautiful
This is bliss
I longed for this day like one longing for their first kiss
A day when I can sigh in relief
No more pain will be allowed into me
My heart
My mind
My soul
My body
Are all sacred pieces to my puzzle
I will not crumble or become weak
For the sake of allowing someone else to feast off of me
Draining my life force
Draining my temple
For the first time in my life
I can honestly say in a loud whisper
Free at last

When She Rises

My shining sun
Star in the sky
When she rises, I will be her Earth
She will possess me with lucid visions
A strong walk
A beautiful glance
An essence as sweet as perfume
She will be me
I will conquer my inner flaws like cement on cracked pavement
I will be loud in my appearance
Dainty in my talk
Rough in my approach in tackling life
I will be powerful
I am a queen
Destined to rule the golden pyramids that I conjure
I am a goddess
Creations that I speak of will sprout from the womb of the universe
I am a proud tree standing in the middle of an arid, dry desert
Surviving by tapping into her own water well
My head is lifted and proud
I am a shining sun
The star in the sky that I seek for direction
I will rise

Perseverance (Haiku)

Most times I feel weak

But in the bleakest moments

I come out stronger

Falling

I remember falling for you
When we intertwined like bees and pollen on a spring flower
Everything was perfect
Even our hell
Somehow the ride down was more passionate than our climax
Every touch seemed to last an eternity
Spiraling into an abyss of no return
You hiding the keys to the door to let me out.
Now you laugh.

I remember falling for you
Descending into the realm of helplessness
Stuck between bliss and torment
Can't seem to let you go
Because if I do
I'm afraid of losing the pain that comforts me
I know no other type of love
But the kind that burns the heart like acid

All I do is cry and bleed
On the inside
I keep falling.

Wild

She's only twelve
But according to you
"Oh, she must be fucking"
"She's fast"
"She's wild"
"She's going to end up with a child".
But she's twelve.
"She better stop wearing them tight clothes".
But they're just shorts and a t shirt.
"She needs to go in the PILL!"
A child who is the victim of all the world's ills.
"Stop walking like that around these men."
But she's twelve.
And those particular men are the ones who to need make amends to their sickness and their sins.

Black little girls aren't fast and asking for sexual attention just because they're undergoing a biological process.
Black little girls don't control how quick or late they get their period and it doesn't have shit to do with them wanting to be touched on.
Black little girls deserve autonomy over their own minds and bodies
Black little girls aren't trying to be "grown" because according to you, she developed too early.
Stop molesting black little girls
Stop calling them wild for developing breasts
Stop calling them fast because their hips are widening
Stop assuming that they're ready because they're releasing eggs at ten.
Stop fearing black girl bodies
Stop treating them like ticking time bomb baby making machines
And start treating black little girls like rain drops of ingenuity and the creative minds of the world.
Start teaching them to clothe their minds with knowledge
Instead of commenting on how big their little butts are getting at twelve.

And how they're "filling out".
Stop treating them like they were born to be just a wet hole for somebody
Simply because they have vaginas
And two x chromosomes
Black little girls are little girls
Black little girls are innocent
They are intuitive
They know when they're being preyed upon
But just too scared to cry out because way too often there is nobody to come save them.
Because they "asked for it"
Because black little girls are really grown women in small bodies and underdeveloped minds.
Because they are told that they're liars
Or asked what were you wearing?
Or looked down upon while they say "you probably liked it"
Or that's what happens when you act fresh.
All she did was smile
And even that is enough reason to think that a black little girl is asking to get raped.
At 5. 10. 11 and 12.
Black little girls aren't fast, easy, or wild at 12.
The community is. The world is. And we can't see it.

PROTECT BLACK GIRLS.

Blood Rose

The color of our passion deepens

As we lay in each other's arms

One thousand moments since the day we met.

It is the dried scars from the times we've cut into each other's flesh with our words 

Harming each other's souls as if we were swift razor blades dancing to the tune of sweet melancholy

They say love is one inch away from hate

But how many times did we love anyway in spite of our war? 

What is really hate when your touch feels so good?

What is really love?

Perhaps it is a blood rose.

Beautiful from our wounds that paint it red.

The magic of us existing with occasional sacrifices of each other at the altar.

Every one of our tear-drops falling onto delicate, crimson petals.

The flower, revealing its desire to protect itself from us and the world through thorns.

But who protects us from ourselves?

Untitled Short Poem

Depression creeps up on you like a sudden sickness
Nothing to look forward to except my bed
Dishes need to be washed.
Food needs to be cooked.
Floor needs to be vacuumed.
Laundry needs to be done.
But I will let them go for one more day
Because my energy is trapped inside my own head.
Me battling myself to get up and cook a descent meal for myself.
But do I even deserve a descent meal?
Do I deserve anything?
Chained to my covers and to the darkness.
Sometimes tears fall.
Should I just end it all?

DAMN

Damn.
There she is.
The woman who could love you in ways that I couldn't.
The one to take you to the heights during your life journey
And the one to endure all the storms and your lows.
She has become the keeper of your treasure
Your heart
And here I am.
Watching you take her hand as she floats down the isle like a majestic swan.
Enveloped in white
Blushing with embers falling from her cheeks
As she stares at you.
Beautiful.
All have come to worship her, including you.
And I stare; painfully at the view.
Your hand stretched out to her.
Singing her praises like a hymn to a goddess.
It should've been me.
But yet here I am.
Outside of the tabernacle of life.
Eyes bloodshot from jealously.
Face somber from heartbreak.
Body aching to be loved and caressed by wedding vows.
Holding back tears.
Biting my tongue to feel the pain of it, in order to avoid feeling the pain forming in my chest.
Soul emptying
Skin cold and longing to be warmed by somebody's fire
Constantly searching but never finding
Finding something but always searching
Fingerprints left from past lives with you.
Now becoming erased and forever forgotten.
I have become a shadow to your new star.
And to think that it was going to be me.
It was never meant for us to be.
I wish, I wasn't the one who was wrong.

Already beautiful

We are already beautiful.
No scalpel or hand brush can re-create what's already perfect
Designed by God
Manufactured by the divine.
Who said that we had to change?
Because the last time I tried to,
My soul got rearranged.
Because I felt so messed up
That I couldn't look like someone else on TV
Not knowing that yes, though they are beautiful
My beauty is unique to me.
We are already beautiful.
Every shape, size, height, skin tone, hair texture and mind.
Having just one standard of perfection
Is like saying a lemon should be a lime.
A carnation should be a rose.
An eagle is inferior to a swan.
When all of creation is different
Why do we have to choose which is more worthy?
Even nature gives us a variety.
And every variation is good.
Damn good.
God knew humans weren't going to be satisfied with carbon copies.
That's why we were made to sing the songs of our own magnificent wonder.

Dear Black Father

Dear black father
You are something invincible
And unbending to outside, destructible forces.
You have carried me on your shoulders
Even though you carried the world too.
You cried on the inside because the pain
Would sometimes be too unbearable
But you stood firm like a 200 year old tree in the Amazon
Unphased as heavy rains pour
Using every drop to add to your strength rather than drown you.
I am a product of your willingness to never give up in life, but to live at all costs.
To strive for excellence because you shine through me like the sun onto its moon.
You are more than a black panther who hunts and moves in stealth in a society that sees you as nearly invisible.
But you are a god who has protected me and guided me.
You have raised me up many times when I felt like falling.
When the thought of letting go crept into my being, I think of myself as the daughter of a mighty spirit. Warrior and King.
And if you've never allowed yourself to break, no matter how hard times have gotten.
Than neither will I give myself the fate.
The iron to my shield.
The blood to my veins that give me will.
The small of my back that straightens under duress
This head that's held high above my shoulders while in my heels and pink dress.
Your role as father has made me powerful.
Thank you for carrying me and showing me strength.

Dear Black Mother

Dear Black Mother
I am  in awe of your transcending strength
Despite the ugliness of what life has thrown your way at times
You persevere
You push hard
You birthed more than my life
You have birthed psalms, healing touches, and brighter futures
You plant miracles
You manufacture magic
You are educated in God and in books
Your skin cell burst gold also known as melanin
You fight monsters
You conquer fears, including your own
You create

And I can only hope to be a fraction of what you are to me
And what you have done for me
And have metamorphesized.
You are a goddess
Angels fade into the distance when you speak
Your voice is the voice of a thousand rose pedals
Your steps toward righteousness has superseded Proverbs 31
Crowns do not do you justice
For there is none that is worthy enough to be placed on your person
You triumph over pain
With every morsel of grit you destroy your obstacles
In order to make new doors
You are feminine and powerful
Earthly and unearthly all at once

Dear black mother
May your lineage live on eternally
And manifest itself into a higher humanity.

I'm Still Learning (free verse)

30 years of lessons
What did I learn?
I learned that God is inside of me
And it rescues me daily from my own demons
That sometimes clash between my inner celestial self with what I was taught
And I was taught that I am a an empty temple that needed to be filled with something
Because me, as I am, as myself was not and could not be enough
At 30 years old, I know better now
Yes, I am a temple. But I am also a goddess that fills it.

30 years of lessons
What did I learn?
I learned that pitfalls are teachers too
Failure taught me how to appreciate every sting
For it guided me to the right direction in where I should go.
I am my failures but I am also the times I've tried and succeeded
I am all of my experiences because my experiences made me.
At this point in my life, I know better now.
I don't have to be broken unless I allow myself to break.

30 years of lessons
What did I learn?
I learned that love hurts
Sacrificing and serving another flawed human being
Is comparable to your soul being chipped away gently
Like tiny needles in the arm, anticipating the ache
But loving fiercely anyway.
Because it is the only way to truly evolve and create something beautiful.
Love hurts because it is a self-less act
But love is like water unto a parched desert.
It is the blood that flows like many rivers into an ocean.

30 years of lessons
What did I learn?
I learned that I don't owe anyone an explanation on why I am.
I also learned that I am just one of many Earth souls.
There is nothing that special about me except for my intrinsic uniqueness
I am only one expression of nature
A tiny flicker in a more expansive universe
But I've learned that though I am small, I am special.
And like millions of other humans, have the choice to contribute to a complex humanity.

30 years of lessons and I learned that
Wounds heal
Tears are okay
I can get up
That I'll NEVER know everything or enough.
That I can unconditionally accept myself
That hard lessons aren't always bad lessons
That feeling good doesn't always mean being okay.
That I can sometimes be toxic
That I still have a lot of growing to do
That I am stronger than I think
Because I overcame a lot of mental and emotional battles
That beauty is an essence and not a dress size
That life doesn't throw you away after mistakes
That I am the goddess that I seek
That I am the positive energy that I speak
That life and reality is what you make it, and not what it tries to make you
I am an avid student of various lessons
And that I am on this Earth to continue learning

30 years of lessons
What did I learn?
I learned to keep growing.
I learned to keep learning.
And that I'm continuously evolving
Into something higher and more new.

Loving Me (Free Verse)

Loving me can be hard.
I have to look at every blemish and scar on my face and accept it.
I have to tell myself that no matter what, I am loved by me.
And that there is nothing that I can do to remove myself from unconditional acceptance.
Every stretch mark, I have to embrace.
Every hair bump.
Every bruise.
Every roll or thigh dimple-
Imperfections are my story and I continuously have to teach myself that they are lovely.
I am a beautiful puzzle that is infinitely being put together more and more.
Each piece represents every lesson of growth
Growth is the true beauty that I seek.
Not some external standard.

Should I Run?

My eyes have been opened
To the fact that I'm not whole
My mind has been broken
To the reality of its holes

Mental illness may be my curse
But I don't know how to stand
Desperately trying to deny
It's increasing apparent hand

My father was its victim
How it destroyed his fragile life
Undiagnosed for years
Currently the catalyst to his strife

Is this something hereditary?
Will I be another slaughter?
Am I a ticking time bomb?
Am I my father's daughter?

Sleepless nights; depression
And thoughts of suicide
Wanting to harm myself on bad days
And not wanting to go outside

Feeling anxious every day
Needing distractions to somewhat cope
Sleeping has become my medicine
Each day, I'm losing hope

But I'm trying to stay positive
And do what I need to do
Taking therapy so that I can live
A life that is worth it too

But I often have to wonder
Is this something that is real?
Am I obsessed with this illness
Or are these thoughts that I can feel?

Should I run from this thought
That I took my father's demons
That I am destined to be lost
Under the weight of temporary feelings?

Or should I be still with an acknowledgment
That this is my plot
Should I manage these cards
That have been given as my lot?